The Unrealistic Standards Women Face

There are very high standards placed upon women in our society. They cannot falter - they must stay in their place. They must uphold the classic gender standards that have been repeated over and over again in our society. Not to mention, that oftentimes these standards can be contradictions of each other. Although, throughout time, the possibilities and opportunities for women have increased, there are still many barriers that exist for women. These are difficult, pointless, and harmful standards, yet they continue to be instilled. In result, when women cannot meet these standards, they are left with constant judgements and comments towards them. It’s almost as if women cannot win in our society. 

These relentless chastisements against women are highlighted in a video that is just under two minutes long. In 2015, Huffington Post uploaded a Youtube video titled, “48 Things Women Hear in a Lifetime (That Men Just Don’t)”. This video features 48 different women from varying ages all saying a short statement that they have been told at some point in their lives. A slew of topics are covered, despite the short length of the video. Though, all of these topics have the same thing in common - that they prevent women from believing that they can succeed or accomplish anything, and to ultimately bring them down. 

One topic that made several appearances in the video was the importance of vanity in society. The beauty standards for women are echoed everywhere - from social media to magazines to television, and more. Women grow up having to uphold the classic body standards instilled in our society. When women
stray away from them, they are faced with countless comments. These can be seen in the video, from “You need to wax your eyebrows” (Huffington 00:00:16 - 00:00:18) to “You would be really pretty if you just made an effort” or “You’d be much prettier if you smiled” (00:00:37 - 00:00:41). Women are regularly ridiculed for things that they simply cannot prevent. Not only do women have to worry about their appearances, but also how they present their emotions. For instance, in the video, women were told, “Why are you getting so emotional” (00:00:30 - 00:00:31) or “Stop being so dramatic” (00:00:35-00:00:36). In our society, there is the presumption that women are too emotional, which then prohibits them from performing certain tasks. This idea has created setbacks for women in opportunities for jobs or leadership positions. People don’t believe that women are capable of doing these things, because they would allow for their emotions to interfere with properly working. Women aren’t as emotional as people present them to be, and if they were, is that a bad thing? Being able to make decisions, with some guidance of one’s and others emotions and feelings, may open new doors (especially in a society, where empathy for others has disappeared). 

It appears that Huffington Post made the decision to have the statements be read in order of age. It can also clearly be seen the generational differences in statements. Each generation has specific problems that they have to face. In particular, the older women giving statements all dealt with the similar issue pertaining to motherhood. It appears from multiple statements, that no matter what, there will always be an issue on what a woman decides to do once they do or do not have children. Firstly, women are put under the pressure to even have kids, as one woman in that video states, “Your biological clock is ticking” (00:01:08 - 00:01:10). It’s basically frowned upon for a woman to decide to not have children. Then, if a woman does decide to have a child, they are posed the question of if they will go back to work or if they will become a stay at home mom. There is nothing wrong with pursuing either of these lifestyles, but with whatever path a woman chooses, she will receive some sort of backlash. When a woman chooses to continue working, problems arise. New York Times opinionist writer, Elizabeth Bruenig, delves into this issue in the article, “A History of Motherhood Misogyny”. Bruenig brings up the case of Angela Ames, who was told that she would receive a room to pump breast milk at her job, Nationwide Insurance, but that fell through because she did not file the adequate amount of paperwork. Ames then claims that “she was told it might be best to go home and be with her babies” (Bruenig par 8) by her supervisor. This case is an issue that many women can probably relate to. Unfortunately, it’s a popularized idea that work comes before anything, and any sort of hindrance towards it, is not good. Special accommodations for mothers, like maternity leave, child care, etc is looked down upon. On the other hand, if you decide to be a stay at home mom, you are left with other issues to deal with. It’s seen as awful to have someone else watch a woman's children, yet if a woman decides to go down that road, they are judged for limiting themselves to just that. For example, one woman in the video was asked, “Do you feel fulfilled that you were just a stay at home mom?” (Huffington 00:01:35 - 00:01:37). For women, motherhood requires extremely personal decisions, yet they are constantly bombarded with other people’s opinions on what they should do. This push for other people’s opinions, isn’t just limited to motherhood though, it can be seen in every topic in the video. 

“He picks on you because he likes” (00:00:14 - 00:00:16)- a phrase that most women have heard when they were younger. There would be a boy that would tease you, call you names, maybe even push you around a bit, but that was ultimately excused, since that’s what boys do when they like someone. This behavior is so normalized for boys. Phrases like this allow for boys to act out and do whatever they please with no consequences. These phrases help normalize negative values into both impressionable boys and girls. Boys will go on to lash out without any regard for others around them - creating toxic environments. For girls, they will grow up to not see past those behaviors. They may meet someone when they’re older, with abusive traits, and not see anything wrong with it. That’s their “way” of showing love. There are women who do realize these wrongdoings, but men will twist it around and blame them for it. For instance in the video, one woman was told, “You should feel grateful you were catcalled” (00:00:34 - 00:00:36), and another woman was told, “I was trying to give you a compliment” (00:00:44 - 00:00:46). These women were harassed, yet it's considered their fault. A common theme that is evolved from these statements is that women have to accommodate men. If a decision they choose defies a man, then they ostracize and condemn them. 

One thing that is crucial to note is that women of color, particularly black women, have a different experience to white women. The sexism they both face comes in two different ways. White women are often believed to be inferior, weak, or fragile, while black women are thought of to be mature and reckless right from a very young age. This concept is known as adultification. What to Expect writer, A. Rochaun Meadows-Fernandez further elaborates on this topic in the New York Times article, “Why Won’t Society Let
Black Girls Be Children”. Parents, educators, and law enforcers alike all have this preconceived stereotype of black women etched into their minds, causing for there to be more punishments and consequences for black women. This can be seen as early as the age of four or five in black women. According to the Department of Education’s Civil Rights data collection, “only 20 percent of female preschoolers were black, but black girls made up 54 percent of female preschool children with one or more suspensions” (Fernandez par 7). When black women are so scrutinized like this, they are prohibited to have a normal childhood. They are forced to grow up, because everyone around believes that they are actually grown up already. The increase in punishment, gives them a lack of protection and emotional support  - they are on their own and robbed of any sort of innocence. It can also be noted that black women also face specific prejudices based on their appearances. For example, in multiple Washington DC schools, dress code policies unreasonably targeted black girls, as “from their hair to their bodies and attire - had the potential to be penalized” (par 12). Black women cannot control some of these factors, yet they are still scolded for it. Since they are targeted for being mature and for their appearances, they hear many phrases, such as being called “fast” for their age or “wanting to be grown”. These ideas are dangerous, and puts black women in harm's way. In the video, a young black girl says, “Don’t wait at the school, you gon’ distract the boys” (Huffinton 00:00:18 - 00:00:20), which is a direct correlation to the adultification of black women. She is taking the blame for something that she shouldn't have to worry about. 

What makes these standards and rules placed upon women confusing are the never ending contradictions. For example, “Don’t be a slut.” verus “No guy wants to have sex with a virgin.” (00:00:23 - 00:00:26) or “Is that all you’re going to eat?” versus “You eat a lot for a girl” (00:00:49 - 00:00:52). Therefore, there isn’t a point where a woman can be doing something “right” in our society, instead there is always something “wrong”. 

In our society, women are not allowed to freely live their lives, as they are continually faced with criticisms - from their appearances, emotions, hobbies, and much more. It can then be inferred that a main cause for this problem are men, and the idea that women are inferior in society. Also, while all women face sexism, there are some differences - white women are infantilized and many women of color are expected to mature from young ages. The solution to all of these problems will not simply happen overnight. There needs to be more conversations and understandings of one another, in order for people to understand that it’s unnecessary to budge into another’s decisions and actions.